i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
