i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
