for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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