i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
