I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
