On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
