He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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