U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im holly from the hills drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize