Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
