and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
