Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
