please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
someone owes me an orgasm
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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