youre lurking in front of me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
