shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
