mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
