He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
