i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
