hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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