She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
