Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
