Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
