Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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