Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
