I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
