Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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