you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
