you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
