you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
do nipples grow back?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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