1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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