So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
