I just pynch a tree in the face
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
