i think my tv is drunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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