shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
