woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
