im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
