I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
