The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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