Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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