were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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