I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
