Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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