I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
