Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
