Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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