my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So many bounce houses so little time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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