You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
