By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
