i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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