You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
