I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
