the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
