He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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