A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
