I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im holly from the hills drunk
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
