He had one of those small greek statue penises
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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