it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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