he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
