just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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