Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize