Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
