you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize