I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
