Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
