I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
