Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize