South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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