I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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