Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
