Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
