I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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