Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize