can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
