what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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